So my labours are not in vain

So engrossed in studying was he, that he did not know that I had taken a photo. 

Miracles do happen. Tomorrow is Elias' SA2 Science paper and he is studying for it. 

Maybe I am happy over a very minor thing, and everyone's children study.  But MY children have NEVER done any studying on their own accord.  I blame it on my pro-activeness. 

This was taken earlier this year.  Elias and I were working on Chinese. 
We went on a family picnic and I brought some of their work along,
so I could coach them in between their play.
If you were my child, I bet you would have this attitude :
"My mother is constantly pushing me so hard,
why should I work hard on my own?"

We had gone through some Science papers (initiated by me) and he was supposed to sleep early.  But while he was on his bed, and I was reading to Samuel, he asked me what topics he is weak in. I told him 'Cells' and thought nothing of it.  

When I got up from Samuel's bed, a beautiful sight greeted me - he was flipping through his Science Booster trying to find the chapter on 'Cells', but not succeeding.  What would a mother do in such a situation?  She would quickly get the information on 'Cells' and pass it to him!  So I did.  He was delighted and diligently started reading it.  I thought I was in heaven.  I sat next to him, and watched him study.  

For a boy who has to sit for an examination tomorrow, he should be sleeping. But I wanted to enjoy the moment of having (finally!) a self-driven boy who wanted to prepare himself just that little bit more. I also wanted him to enjoy the experience of working hard for something important to him.

Not too long ago, we bought Elias a terrapin. It was a reward for good work done in school - he took about two months to earn it. After about a month of having 'Pebble', Elias told me that out of all his things, the one which he treasures the most is 'Pebble', because he worked hard for it. 

Wow.

This is "Pebble"! This is the first time I have seen it sleeping.  It looked so cute.
Elias is very diligent in feeding it and taking care of it.
(We could not tell whether it is a male or female.  So it is 'it' for now).

As parents, there is nothing that pleases us more than to see our children reach maturity - to understand important values like gratitude, kindness and hard work. We are anxious for them to learn the lessons, and on bad days, we wonder whether they will ever learn.  

But time and time again, I have learnt that many lessons cannot be rushed, and that the children learn much better through their own experiences in life than our nagging or lectures.  

Like all exam periods, these few days have been tough on Elias as I had to be rough with him many times.  I was just glad that tomorrow is Science exams, because at least he enjoys the subject.  However, the last thing I would expect was for him to pick up a book and study.  Once again, my son has shown me that he is made of better stuff.  

So may God bless you tomorrow, Elias, that you will remember all the things which you have studied.  Whatever the outcome of the examinations, I am proud of you.  Thank you for encouraging me, that my labours are not in vain.

I will teach you in ways you can understand

Today is the last class which Samuel will be taking at Berries.  真是有点儿不舍得。One of the reasons we stopped is because Samuel does not really like his current class. At first it was the teacher he did not like, later it was another student.  Whatever it is, it has been increasingly difficult coaxing him to go to class.

It is sad because actually he has a favourite teacher (who taught him last year) whose class is unfortunately fully booked.  I have resorted to letting him skip his own class, and putting him into her class as "replacement classes".   He happily goes for her class, no matter how tired and sleepy he might be.

Thank you 曹老师.  Perhaps like you said, Samuel and you have 眼缘
Whatever it is, thank you for teaching and caring for him.

Today when I told him that this will be his last class, he went - "Huh? Why?" - with a tinge of shock and sadness in it.  I was surprised. He seemed sad to have to say good bye to her.  I think he really likes her, and would continue even though Berries is difficult for him.

This shows how much difference a teacher can make.

It is difficult to find excellent teachers who can really turn your child around.  Elkan and Elias' English Creative writing (tuition) teacher is one of them.  I started Elkan with her first, for about six months.  Recently, I begged her to take Elias in too.  She agreed.  In my "brief" to her, I told her that Elias is very mischievous.

After about three lessons, I asked Elias whether he has been behaving well in her class.  To my surprise, he said that he is very quiet in her class.  That is so uncharacteristic of Elias, so I asked him why.  What he told me was such a revelation.  He said :"She is so funny that I cannot (afford to) be mischievous.  If I am, I might miss out the fun".

He further analysed the school situation for me.  He said that he is not mischievous in XXX's class because she tells interesting stories and is quite nice.  He is also not mischievous in XXX's class because she can be funny and is VERY fierce.  He is mischievous in XXX's class because it is so boring, and lastly, he hates XXX's class because she is VERY strict (and not funny I suppose...).

Elias wrote this to his P1 teacher, when he was in P2.
Over the years, I would meet her in the school.
She would ask after him and say he was very cute.
I believe that what Elias wrote about her is true.
She cared for him, and he felt it and knew it.

Anyway, I sent an sms message to his English creative writing (tuition) teacher because I thought she would like to hear what Elias said about her class.  Her reply was sweet.  She said it warmed her heart, that Elias is attentive and polite, and that she will certainly enjoy teaching him.

I do not expect every teacher to be like that.  It is a pity, but everyone is made differently.  I am sure there are many dedicated teachers who work very hard, but perhaps just do not have that "magic".

I am just happy that my children had the experience of being taught by teachers who inspired them to give of their best.

I read about Rebecca Mieliwocki who was named "US Teacher of the Year".  She said this:-

"The families sent you their children, their most precious resource, and you are responsible for sending them back better.  They have to come through their experience with you a changed person.  If the only change was that they could master a test, you've failed the whole child".

That is such a lovely statement.  However I don't think excellent teachers set out to teach children values (which makes it all the more remarkable, because it means that it is sincere and real and it comes from the inside out).  They endeavor to teach their students the skills which they were supposed to teach, be it English, Chinese, Maths or Science.  But I believe that their characters and personalities are so attractive, that the students are shaped simply by listening to and watching them.

I appreciate these teachers not just for what they did to help my child learn, either about the subject or about life.

"I will tell you, in words you can hear and understand, the life lessons you need to know"
- Quoted from "Lists to live by for every caring family" - 

I appreciate these teachers because they helped me to understand my children and showed me the level of excellence which they are capable of.  They had taken my most precious resource and showed me how much more valuable they actually are and can be.

That, to me, is the fulfilled calling of a teacher.

I want you to say good night

These two days have been one of the best days of my life, although they came about through great pains.  First, it is due to all the lessons which I am learning both as an individual and as a parent, through the non-admission.

The second has got to do with Elias.

For those who have gotten to know Elias through my blog, you would know the joy and frustrations he brings to the family.  To quote a friend, he is a child "sent to humble me".



Elias was extremely cute as a toddler.
人见人爱。

Yesterday I stumbled upon what looked like a solution to his negative behaviours.  I shall not mention what it is here, for confidential reasons (sorry! Those who attend my parenting class may get to hear it, if Elias gives permission for that). 

As a result, these two days have been pure bliss on that front.  We had all the fun part of Elias, and none of the tantrums and rudeness.

Elias with Samuel!  Elias LOVED baby Samuel.
Parents who have more than one child would understand the joy it brings
to our hearts when we see our children love each other. 
Nothing pains us more than to see our children being mean and rude to each other.

It has been two days, and he is feeling sore and stressed over the "solution".  When I asked him whether he is happier, he says emphatically - NO.  I tell him - that I am really enjoying him, and the whole family is really happy because of how he is behaving.

Elias and Samuel have their good moments :)
Elias and Samuel both found a scarf at the same time.
(I have no idea, where they found them from...)
Each time Elias decides to put his scarf on, Samuel would look for his to put on too.

He did not seemed to see the link, nor "what's so good" about this huge suffering he is going through.  But I know, that over time, he will see it - that he is happier in control of his emotions, speech and action, than out of control.

This was not something I learnt as a young parent.  Elias is such a sensitive child, that I spent many years concerned about hurting his feelings and damaging his spirit.  As he grew older, my confidence in his resilience grew and I realised that something has gone wrong with my parenting approach.  Anyway, to cut a long story short, I started tightening my expectations on him, and yesterday I imposed a strict, no-negotiation standard - cold turkey.

Amazingly, it worked.

It was clearly very difficult and painful for him, and although I had suddenly become quite a "tyrant" to him in some sense, Elias' love for me seemed not to have diminished.

"Ooh! Mummy is so scary!"
(This is Elias at age 4.  I took a series of photos of him making funny faces.
I thought it would be fun, since he was always so cheeky).  

Tonight we had a lovely time snuggling and playing quietly on his bed.  Soon it was time to go, and he told me I could stay if I wanted to, or I could go if I wanted to.  I told him that I would go in little while, but I would just go quietly, so as not to disturb his sleep.

He mumbled, "I want you to say good night." 

I did not know why, but those words sounded so lovely and sweet to me.

Reflecting upon it, I guess it is because I realise, that those are words which can be spoken only when my child, is still a child, living under my roof.  Those words are spoken, from a child who loves me fiercely, and will overlook any of my wrongs or grieve I may cause him, simply because he is still a child, and he loves his mummy.   

One day, he will be grown.  He will not need me the same way, or I will not have the same opportunity, to snuggle with him, and lie with him, while he sleeps.

Elias and me, when Elias was two years old

Perhaps then, if he still loves me as deeply, whenever he thinks of me at night before he sleeps, he will just say in his heart (because a healthy well-adjusted adult does not say that to his mother out loud) - Good night mum, and I want you to say good night too.

I know, that wherever I may be, I will always say "Good night, Elias."

I will also say : " I love you too", because I know "I want you to say good night" also means "I love you mum". 

One of those moments

Just one of those moments. 

Elias : "I have very little homework, I can play with you after I finish, ok?"

Elkan : "I have a lot of homework, so you can sit on me for longer"

(They are all wanting to win the affections of Samuel).

I love being a SAHM. 

Enjoying our Apple, Orange Carrot juice!

Fun, Funny, Loving, Mine

Some time last year, I asked the children how they will describe the family.  Elkan said, "Fun and funny."  Elias said, "Funny and loving."

Samuel does not really understand the question, but if there is one word he uses most when describing the family, it is the word "My" ("This is my father", "My brother likes to eat carrot", "This is my family"). 

That defines our family culture, and we record it here, as a celebration and as a reminder for the future.

Fun comes through the little practices which we developed over the years, like how Edmund and I would take a photo of all of us without either the camera stand nor the timer.

At Universal Studios, before the Dream Parade at USS!

At the playground near our home

We are fun because we love to play...

The boys are at Choa Chu Kang Swimming pool.

At Marina Barrage! Samuel is happy to fly his new doggie kite!

... and because we are so different from each other.

Taken at East Coast Park.
This picture typifies the three boys at home.
When asked to pose for the camera, Elias will continue to look out at the open sea,
Samuel will continue to play, and Elkan will smile obligingly.

We are funny because we love to take funny pictures...

Elkan and Samuel at the Lost World at USS,
pretending to be dinosaurs!

... and strange pictures.

Hey, see, there are three of Elkan!

The dark human images in the picture are the five of us!
(It's a weekday, and there is hardly anyone else there -
perfect for taking such photos)

We are funny because we have a comical daddy, and equally comical offspring.

  



 The video really reflects how we often relate to each other. 

We are loving because we help each other to get up, to overcome a challenge, to get to an exciting place, and to get a better view.

At Marina Barrage.  Elias found a place to sit, and watch.
Of course, once Samuel saw that, he wanted to get up there too.

Wordlessly, Samuel scrambled up.  Wordlessly, Elias helped him up.

I don't know what they said to each other.  I suppose words do not matter in this instance.

Thank you God, for giving us each other, so we can look at the same world, through different eyes, many experiences yet sharing them all. 

What are you thankful for?

Laugh and cry

Today I sat next to Elias when he was doing his work.  It seemed that he made a mistake with his work, and had to correction tape it over.  He said : "Troublesome, right?"

Without waiting for a reply from me, he said : "Well, you can't help it, if you have a troublesome child, you can't just throw him away.... well, you can, but it's not very nice"

Honestly, Elias is such a lovable rascal.  He knows what he is like - he even seemed proud of how much he drives me up the wall.  Sometimes, I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

I am who I am, and I am proud of it!

I choose to laugh, except for times when I get so angry that I threaten him with things which I later regret.  But when I am in control of my senses, I laugh because I have learnt, that that is the most effective way of dealing with it. 

When he was in Kindergarten, his teacher told us :"As a Kindergarten teacher, there are some children whom I will always remember.  Elias is one of them".  She did not mean it to be a compliment. 

When I first heard that many years ago, I felt indignant and sad.  But after all these years, I have come to understand why she said that.  The comments from the teachers about Elias are always the same.  He is bright, but he does not want to (put in the necessary amount of effort). 

Hey, I have one of this type at home!

We choose to look on the bright side.  As I have written earlier, his natural exuberance adds wonder to my life.  Last week he came back shouting:  "Look, Mum! Look what I got! MUM, LOOK! It's a pair of mating moths!"

Indeed, held between his fingers was a moth, delicately attached to another.  I suppose they ARE mating.  I was hoping in my mind, that the process was not much interrupted by these inquisitive and intrusive humans.

He quickly put them into a container.  Two days later, voila! There was a cotton-wool like thing at a corner.  Soon after, he released the two moths, keeping only the eggs.  A few days later, the eggs disappeared. Elias said :"The eggs have hatched, and the caterpillars have crawled off."  When I looked at him, incredulous, he said to me, in an off-handed manner :"Yah ya, the eggs will hatch into caterpillars". 

Another time, we found a rainbow on the bedsheet. 
Elias, who dislikes photo taking, gamely posed.

Loving him aside, we need to help him grow up responsible, disciplined and useful.  We are still working on it. 

One of those times, when Elias decides to play the role of a studious child.
Even then, he prefers to do it in his own way..
And to think that we spent hundreds of dollars designing a study table for him...

For now, we continue to laugh more, and cry only in prayer. 

Elias loved this picture.  "It is mummy and me."

The Party (4th edition)

Yesterday Elkan and Elias' friends came over for the Party.  It's our 4th party.  It started at 1:30pm, after school, and they came for lunch.  The last ones left at 6:30pm.

Fried rice (instead of pasta) this time, because Bryan Chia is allergic to cheese.

I always feed the boys lots of good food.  Good, as defined by children.

Baked chicken, which was really popular with the children, especially Wyvern and Elias :)

Ham and Cheese Toast, which tastes much better than it looks...
It ran out really quickly.

After two years of doing this, the children have developed a "pattern" in the way they spend their time at the Party.  The same three - Bryan Wong, Javier and Bryan Chia will sit at the breakfast counter and snack, gossip and joke.  It was great fun sitting at the breakfast counter with them each time, feeding them and being "fed" about what happens in school and in class. 

That's Torlilla Chips!
And that's Bryan Wong, Javier, Bryan Chia,
'Permanent Residents' of the breakfast counter!

That's Elias' hand.  The boys enjoyed all these monkeying around

They were very amused by the picture of the "mysterious" boy behind Javier. 
That's Ethan, first-time visitor.  He has good taste.  He said our place was 'cool' :) 

Some of them, namely Elkan and Elias, will always go and play the Wii.  This year, Elias' friend Joakin brought two extra Wii remotes so they had a crazy time playing 4-players 'Raving Rabbids'.  

Even Samuel got to play with the big Gor Gors!

They also played other games, which are from our home, or things which they brought along. 

'Top in Space' - like beyblade.  Always popular with children of all ages.
Sadly, I think it is wearing out, so I might have to throw it away soon.

This is Jun Xian, Elkan's Chess club friend. 
He is only at P4, but he got along very well with the older boys.  Atta boy!

Air Soccer.  It created a lot of excitment. 
Unfortunately, the boys' vigorous playing also damaged part of it. 
Tsk tsk.

We watched a movie too.  The last time we did 'Kungfu Panda'.  This time we had 'Captain America'.  It was much better received.

The boys watched a movie in my bedroom-converted-to-entertainment room. 

There was supposed to be additional entertainment - dance by Ryan Chia (as a forfeit, for losing a game), but it was not too successful...

I overheard this conversation, which made my day:-

"Have you been here before?"

*shake head*

"Quite fun, right?"

*nod*

I got them all to pose for a photo, as 'payment' for the Party!

Thank you boys! For the fun and laughter!

Boys - experts in making funny faces!

Level 6 happiness

Yesterday we had a lovely gift from the children.

As part of my new approach to life, and to maintain my house's newly-achieved status of being spick-and-span, I have decided to "use up" all the paraphernalias we get from various sources, as soon as we get them. 

(If you have children, you will know what I mean by parapernalias.  The kids get lots of stuff, from school, church, their enrichment classes, vendors and through the post.  They are little crafts for the children to do, contests to participate in, instructions for all manner of things from 'how to make ice-cream' to 'how to swing your golf club'). 

This is from Ikea.  Samuel did a Suduko! I was so impressed.

There was this thing which Elias got from school, as part of the Preventive Drug Education Programme. It is this cute little contraption for the children to write down the things that make them happy - from level 1 to level 6 (Level 6 being the happiest).

I scribbled their answers on the boxes, and dated it. 

So I "interviewed" them to get their answers.  The answers surprised me a little, which goes to show how much confidence I had in our upbringing and parenting philosophy.

These are their answers for Level 4-6:-

Level 6 happiness - Elkan - being with, and being loved by the family
                           - Elias - being with the family
                           - Samuel - playing the Wii
Level 5 happiness - Elkan - playing the Wii
                           - Elias - playing the Wii
                           - Samuel - playing with Gor gor Elkan
Level 4 happiness - Elkan - playing with my phone
                           - Elias - being with friends; reading
                           - Samuel - being with the family

Edmund and I have always endeavored to bring the children up to love the family and to be fiercely loyal to it.  Yet, it came as a surprise to me to know that simply being with the family brings them the highest level of happiness (except for Samuel, which I can explain, for now, with the fact that he is too young to understand).

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about whether our children will be seen as dumb and become socially inept when we keep them away from things which children in our culture enjoy and play with, like TV, computer/phone games and guns (for boys).

That has been my concern all these 10 - 12 years when I was raising Elkan and Elias.  But I continued to keep them away from such items because I trusted my instinct.  After all these years, I believe that I did the right thing, because the boys are completely happy and full of positive energy and spirit.  They are neither friendless nor weird. 

Anyway, I do not think that my children have a deprived life.

Last Friday night we went to the Science Centre for an IMAX movie, and the Star-gazing session. 

Dinner at Macdonald's! (Yes, I know, again..)

That's Elias in red.  Samuel is standing on his own.  I am with Elkan. 
Obviously, Edmund is the photographer, standing at the main Observatory, where the big telescope is housed. 

On Saturday, we went to the Bird Park - leaving the home before 8:30am and returning home only at 4pm.  What made the children happy, were the simple things. 

Elias won a toy at the games stall

Samuel was really impressed with the magician who swallowed a rocket balloon
(Kiki Tay is really good.  He really entertained and made us laugh)

The boys really enjoyed feeding the Lorries.
(I only had $3 for a cup of feed.
But thanks to Elias who found some 'abandoned' food,
everyone got their own cup!)

We all enjoyed watching the clever parrot!

It was the same for mummy, who was hilariously happy with her kids gamely (game - catch the pun? haha, I am so corny) posing as little chicks in the giant nest.

Hey, my babies!

In the night, we watched this AMAZING BBC science documentary titled 'Things you need to know about Science'.  Highly recommended for school-going children.  But I was too tired, and since we were all cosy on the bed with the air-conditioner on, I fell asleep while watching it.

After church service on Sunday, we went for a family lunch gathering.  The children got to run around and play with their cousins.  By the time we reached home at about 2:30pm, Edmund and I were quite drained.  But there was still a dinner at my mother's place where the boys got to play again.

After dinner, I brought Elkan and Elias for the Gifted Young Musicians Concert (GYMC), with compliments from Mei, Elias' flute teacher. They enjoyed it, that being the first time they listened to an Orchestra, but even they were tired by then.

See, my spirited boys. 

When we fill our children's days with love and shared experiences, we do not need to give them other forms of entertainment. 

My favourite moment of this past weekend happened when we were watching the science documentary. 

There was a really funny part and Elkan and I turned to look at each other, laughing away.  It was a simple gesture - we both did it without thinking - but it spoke volumes, of our sense of belonging and connection. 

I am very aware, that as the children grow, they will desire to identify with their peers, and they may change. We would make adjustments as are necessary.

But for now, I know that my children are experiencing Level 6 happiness everyday, with the family.

I think that is the best tribute any parent can receive.