Don't waste my pain

Thank you Straits Times and Joyce Lim for the article "One gang fight, 2 broken mums" in the Sunday Times, yesterday. (Reproduced here on Jarkarta Globe)

Thank you Mrs Ng for sharing the story from your perspective as a mother.  When I first read the news about Darren Ng, the one thing that struck me was that he was a church-going Christian.  As a Christian family who endeavors to bring up godly children, I was curious about who this boy was, and what he was like, and I was glad to finally find out.

The Ng family is similar to ours.  We too are a close-knit, upper-middle class family, and the children have been going to church with us every week since they were a month old.  We serve actively in church, we pray at meal times, and we talk about God all the time.  

This is one of our family devotion times :)
Daddy is playing the guitar and Samuel is enjoying it :)

We read bible verses and pray for people during mealtimes.

Our boys are cheeky like Darren and we enjoy the family.

We were celebrating Samuel's birthday at cell group meeting.  

This week, I heard two statements made by friends.  One quoted this bible verse "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!" (2 Corinthians 10:12).  The second is this statement "There is no other way but to get down on your knees and pray".  None of the statements were made in reference to parenting nor children, but they are perfect for this lesson which I am learning.  

The story about Darren humbles me.  It reminds me not to be too proud or over-confident about my parenting skills nor the state of our family relationships. It reminds me again, the one thing I always tell parents - there is no guarantee.  We always do our best for the best outcome in life.  However, there is no guarantee of success.  Our lives and our children's lives are in the hands of God.  We must pray, and ultimately our children's future is determined by their own choices. 

There is much a parent can, and should do, but we must also learn to let go.  Mrs Ng understands that truth well, I believe.  She said that "Life is about choices. My son made the wrong choice... I chose to live.." 

My words will surely sound empty to the family, but I am thankful that Darren had a family who truly cared for him, that he had many years of lovely memories, that he had a dream, and his family supported him in it.  

Samuel brought this back from church just yesterday.
It talks about love and acceptance.

The interview ended with the quote from Mrs Ng "Don't let my pain go to waste".  Thank you, Mrs Ng, for allowing us all to reflect, learn and grow from your pain. 

Will we find each other in heaven?

Tonight Elkan asked me whether we would find each other in heaven.

He said:"There are so many people in heaven, are you sure we will be able to find each other?", with tears almost coming out of his eyes.

I told my lovable little boy, :"Of course, we will find each other.  When we are in heaven, we will have perfect knowledge, and so once you arrive, you will know where...."

"Mum is there!", Elkan interjected happily, pointing to a direction.

"... and I will also know immediately - Oh, Elkan is here!", I continued, "And I will go look for you, and you will be looking for me, and we will probably meet each other halfway."

"Will we recognise each other? I mean, we will have new bodies, right?"

"Yes, we will take a while, but I will see someone and say - hey, that looks like Elkan - oh, yes, it IS Elkan, and he looks even better than how I remembered him to be! You will see me, and say - hey, that is mum and she looks great!"

And at this point, I proceeded to hug him. 

He was delighted, and comforted.

Last night, our family watched a moving Chinese movie titled:"Echoes of the Rainbow 《歲月神偷》".  It was set in old Hong Kong in the 1960s. (Trailer below).



In the movie, the elder 16-year old brother - Desmond - was a talented student and sportsman, who was the pride of the family.  He loved his family and his 8-year old brother who in turn idolised him.  However, Desmond was struck with leukemia and the family was devastated. 

One statement which the mother constantly made to encourage the family when they were trying to find a cure for Desmond, was this : "做人，总要信"  (In life, one must believe). 

In the end Desmond died, and the father died too, a few years later.  The younger boy grew up - in many ways like Desmond but in other ways different - and the ending scene had the mother and the brother chatting happily. 

Life is often full of pains and sorrows, and death and separation is inevitable.  But, as the mother said - we must always believe.  I would like to change her statement to - we must have hope. 

Tonight, Elkan is assured with the fact that we have the hope of re-uniting, if we were to be separated one day, even by the cruelest separation of all - death.

In life, we must always have hope; a hope that is beyond today; a hope that will last forever.  Otherwise all the love which we have encountered, cultivated and treasured, will be pointless and meaningless.