Our kids are not for us

Recently Samuel has become less dependant on me.  He has reduced his frequency of hugging my legs and desiring my presence, except when he is trying to follow me out of the house, or manipulate me into giving him what he wants.  I am the one unabashedly asking for hugs and kisses nowadays and I miss my cuddly little boy! I am all but devastated. 

I love being a mother because I enjoy the affection which I get from the children.  Being needed and idolised is such a lovely feeling. We want our children to like us, and to prefer us to anyone else in the world.  It is easy for parents to get addicted to this adoration from their children and that is where the problem begins.

I recently stumbled upon this book - "Your Kids are your own fault -A guide for raising responsible, productive adults" by Larry Winget. He is very direct and spares no bones about putting the responsibility fully on the shoulders on parents, (as is obvious from the title).  He gave 8 reasons why kids do the wrong thing:-

1. You let them. (Your kids are a product of your parenting).
2. There are no consequences for bad behaviour. (We don't enforce the consequences we have promised).
3. You tell your kids they are special. (In the real world, your kid isn't the apple of anyone's eye.  She is just one more kid.  She needs to understand that and learn how to deal with it).
4. You made your kids the most important thing in your life. (Parents who put their kids' happiness above all else sacrifice their own life and sanity, and sometimes they sacrifice their marriage, too).
5. There is a sense of entitlement that has become pervasive throughout our culture. (Reference to a family - bankrupt and still in debt after eight years, and has three daughters whose cell phone bills exceed 200 US dollars a month.  The mother wrote to Larry wanting to know how to explain to her daughters the need to cut back without "making them suffer and failing them"). 
6. You work hard at giving your kids a healthy self-esteem. (Role of parents is not to give their children a high self-esteem but to teach them to earn it.  How you are esteemed is based on what you accomplish).
7. You turn to medicine to fix what you are too lazy to deal with.  (You had good days and you had bad days and you learned to live with them.  We have to give up our constant reliance on drugs and begin again to rely on our own ability to control our emotions).
8. You set a bad example and your kids followed it. (Reference to a commercial where the father screams at his kid :"Where did you learn this?" Son said "From you, Dad").

Larry is being very harsh, and I know there are parents who are turned off by what he says. I do not agree with everything he said too.

But it is a good reminder - that parents have the responsibility to bring children up to be responsible and productive adults, that our children are not just for us to enjoy (though we enjoy them), that they are not just for us to love and to love us, that we must not need them beyond their needs for us.